I always looked at people who cut or had other forms of SI and wondered why people would do that. I never really understood it until I did it myself. Now I realize why so many people don't understand it. I may have only been cutting for a little over 1/2 a year but I believe that I understood my situation from the first time I cut myself.

When I first began cutting, I always hid the scars. I was so ashamed that the way I was finding happiness was ridiculed by so many as being something crazy people do. Now, I know I'm not crazy, but I still didn't want people to find out. So I hid my secret from everyone until I couldn't keep it in anymore. I told some people and they, for the most part, understood. One person, my band teacher who is more of a mother to me than my own Mom, was really scared for me and wanted to help me. I went with what she wanted because I didn't want to disappoint her. But I really didn't want to be helped. I am a very independent thinker and wanted to figure out this whole situation on my own.

When I finally found someone I could truly call my best friend, I told him about my problem. He was always supportive towards me and I really appreciated him being there. But one day I came to the realization that I may not live to be 96 like my great grandma did. So I am living every day like it was my last. I told my friend that and he freaked on me. He thought I was going to end up committing suicide. We ended up getting into a huge argument.

Cutting has become a part of me now and I can't really imagine not doing it. I mean the feeling is so amazing. It's like I'm alive and free, yeah I know, practically everyone who cuts or hurts themselves says that, but it's true. And death, don't even get me started. I have embraced death because I believe that death is sudden. To fear death brings death closer. I'm not afraid to die. If I die, it will be because I was supposed to go. My life would have ended because that life of me had learned what it needed to learn and is progressing in its cycle.

Life is short and I know I am going to make the best of it. Whether everyone knows about my "problem" or not, I really don't care anymore. Self-injury is something that more people should know about. Knowledge is wealth so lets make some people rich!