i want to bleed; i want to bleed out all of the hurt. i think about all of the people pulsing through my veins. the two who did not want me, their families who don't know me, the men who have pushed themselves inside me, their lovers before me. i want them all out; i want to bleed them out. if it hurts bad enough on the outside i can't feel it on the inside. let it flow like tears, like a river flowing away, taking away. carry away my sins and my pain, flow from me like honey in the promise land, like milk to a child. take my heart, my soul, my life - i don't use them anymore. leave your scars, remind me of the consequences. take me away. oh sweet blade i long for your comfort. your touch brings forth both life and death, sanity and madness. sweet rose of bitterness blossom from my skin. allow me to watch as you bloom. bring forth beauty from the wasteland of me. of me. you are of me, yet you are above me. you touch me when nothing else can penetrate the fog. you are beauty, you are comfort. your betrayal is expected, therefore i am able to draw you close without fear. i am unafraid. i touch you like a love, i turn to you like a friend. when all others draw away in disgust you shine like a beacon, a light in the storm of my life. i've known you longer than i've known any other. you have not left me nor forsaken me. you do as i command. i control you even as you control me. i love you, long for you. i miss your precious kiss biting into my skin. i turn from you in fear of discovery, knowing my other lover could never understand. yet it is you i dream of. you i will return to when he leaves. and you will be there, waiting, long after he is a memory.