I'm mourning for the loss
Of the razor that cut me
I'm mourning for the loss
Of the pain that I need
I'm mourning for the loss
Of the paint hat enslaved me
I'm mourning the loss of the cuts that freed
Yes I know though I don't understand
I've been told so many times
"Don't hurt yourself, you don't deserve that"
But I feel like I deserve to die
You can tell me I'm worthwhile
Till you run out of words
And I'll hear what you're saying
But I won't believe what I've heard
I know you're trying to help
But I don't know how to believe
And no matter how many times you try to explain
I still won't be able to see
Why it would be
That I don't deserve this pain and more
And how I can give up
This pain I've fought for
The pain I'm dying for and with
See my hands
Locked into fists
My nails leaving bloody marks
As I try to find my way through the dark
Retreating farther and farther into myself
Begging with my eyes for someone to help
There's no more tears running down my face
They ran dry long ago
And in my head between white walls I pace
Wishing I didn't know
Wishing I'd never tried this drug called pain
Because I'm going into withdrawal
And the lack of my addiction is driving me insane
Does it really matter if I live till tomorrow?
I've never done acid, crack or weed
Never tried alcohol, coke or speed
But I've felt the high that comes
With self-inflicted pain
I've had the escape it gives me
When I need to run away
My drug of choice is pain
Yet I'm afraid of this drug I crave
Because I have the feeling it will pull me down
Into an early grave
But is that such a bad thing?
It could be much, much worse
In fact, when I think about it
It could be a blessing, not a curse
And without my drug of choice
I'm drowning in heartache and sorrow
Please someone find me a razor
I'm going into withdrawal