My name is ashley i am 16 my child hood was good except for the fact that my dad beat my mom and half the time i was around to witnes it but i didnt want to believe it because i was daddy's little girl but them it became worse and my parents got divorced when i was 7 or 8 and my dad left me and my 3 sisters for about 3 years he came back into my life and then i trusted him completely again but then he got mad for some reason and left again for about 4 years it hurt me terribly and this happened 3 or four more times it hurt me me more and more each time it affected me the nost because i was daddy's girl and because of that i was never able to really trust anyone not even my mother

then my mom got remarried and we all hated it then my sister went through a lot of problems and she got kicked out she started using drugs and various other things i never felt so alone till when i was 15 i watched a movie called thirteen i saw her cutting and i was fascinated by it and how it didn't hurt i always heard how it didn't but i just didn't really give it much thought and then i was in tenth grade and i lost my virginity to this kid i was in love with and even though i didn't trust guys especially i thought i was different to him so i gave it to him and he hurt me so badly so one day i had broken one of my frames and i picked up the piece of glass and cut myself i realized how it made me feel better so i did it more often every time i got upset i hid it for a couple of months and then one day i was drunk and i told my best friend she freaked out end we started crying but i just have had so many hard times in my life and when i do it i'm in control of my pain and when i want it to stop i will i just feel like that is the one thing type of pain i have control over it just makes me feel so much better because i can control it i still cut till this day it's just a habit you cant stop its just as bad as a drug but i like it i haven't told my family yet because they would just think i'm crazy and probably be ashamed when i'm around my mom and stepdad with there kids i just don't feel apart of the family and that kills me so my escape is cutting so that is my story and maybe someday i will stop cutting but for now thats my only escape from reality.