How do you know how deep to cut before you really feel something? Are people that "numb" that they have to go to the extremes to actually feel some kind of emotion/ feeling? It's sad that people rely on that to make them actually feel something. It's really, really depressing and yet really intriguing at the same time. The more I hear about it, the more I wonder how it would be if I ever tried that. I mean, does it really help a person? If it does, then of course I'll try it sometime. Ha. I make it sound like it's a good thing.

But it really isn't. Go figure. I get to that point a lot. The point where I want to end it all, and hope that I'll never come back. I really do feel emotionless at times. People don't notice it, but I do. I act all happy and sane, but in reality, I want to stand up and scream as loud as I can till someone really hears me. But hell, in this world, it's not so easy. You have to conform. You have to go along with life and people as if it were perfect when it really isn't. Because people are afraid to see the truth. They hide it as much as they can, and it kills them inside. They're dying quickly, and they don't even know it. It's pretty fucked up, if you ask me. But then again, this world is fucked up to begin with. So I guess it does make sense.

I always wondered what how I'd ever kill myself if I ever got to that point. Would it be a gun? Would it be hanging? Would it be a razorblade slicing across my wrists? Would it be an oven (like the infamous Sylvia Plath)? Or would it simply just be overdosing on a bunch of drugs/pills? This may sound like morbid thinking, but, hey, this is how I get at times. I start thinking; I start typing, and then I get to the point of not stopping. It's confusing and sad as hell, but if it keeps me from actually doing this stuff, then I'm going to keep on doing it. It may save a life...