You might remember me or you might not. I had my other story entered in January 15th 2004 and i sent it in... a long time before that... Well a lot has happened now. School started and i hated everyone ... so badly so i changed schools and started living with my mom full time. But it's even worse then my old school and i'm so unhappy there but i might go back to my new school. i supposed i just needed time apart from everyone because my whole outlook on people from my old school have changed and i love and miss them so much. ::Sigh:: adolescent years, ya can't blame me. Ever since i started this new bullshit school my S.I has gotten worse. My self-esteem has be lowered by my oh-so-wonderful ex boyfriend. He had so many expectations i hated it. He was the typical abusive guy who was stuck on his ex. He made my outlook on my body so much worse. I felt fat. Those three letters is how i only know how to describe myself and i carved those three ugly letters into my arm so that i can be reminded everyday of what i really am and the opposite of what i'll never be. I've been taking diet pills for the past 4-5 months and i must say they suck. My first bottle was $8 and i only lost three pounds and my new one $40 i haven't lost any but i just started yesterday taking them. I feel like a blimp that everyone around me is staring at my blub and that i'm not worthy enough to have pretty clothes or revealing clothes like all the perfectly skinny and beautiful girls in my school. Every day seems like another put down for me. People constantly making fun of me...girls bitching at me for no apparent reason... being by myself... covered by layers of clothing so people wont see the recently made cuts or the marks where my stress and depression has been shown by. Recently i've just wanted for my parents to know because i want help because my self injury has gotten worse... a lot worse from when i had started all together. I once carved an angel into my body because i wanted to fly away... from everything.. it helped me symbolized how i felt. I think my english teachers onto me though because for a project i'm doing it on self injury and i'm reading a book on it and i write i a lot of things about stress and depression and the hardships of being young and everything. I want someone to know i want help but i don't want my world to go under... for everything i have to just suddenly disappear... all because of my self inflicting pain.. email me at smiieitsover@aol.com or IM at the screen name.. i'm always here for help and what-not....