First off, I am 20 and I am gay. I have been SIing for 4 years. It all started when I was 16. I had my first relationship with another guy. I was very happy. I was "in love," but you always feel a strong attraction to your first. Anyway. We dated for a month, then he called me "Butt Fucking Ugly" right to my face, and dropped me off, 10 miles from my house. I heard one of my friends talking about her brother "cutting himself" and as I walked home, that was what I was thinking about. I got home, jumped in the shower, and took a razor blade, and drew it across my skin. Then, and up to about 6 months ago, I never cut deep. Just a scratch deep enough to draw blood. and that was good for me. It felt great. As I watched the blood fall to the shower floor, I just imagined all the emotional pain I was feeling going down the drain.

Over the next three years, I got hurt worse and worse by men. I was in abusive relationships, had partners that were unfaithful, and all sorts of other drama, and I cut more and more lines. During this time, I cut over 300 lines. It was the worst time of my life so far. I try to stop, and i make it for like, a month, then something goes wrong and I pick up the blade. I never thought about suicide. Just self-injury. It helped.

Then, About a year ago, I met and got into a relationship with the man I love. The man I am with today. He made me promise not to cut anymore, which I broke two weeks later, when me and my BEST friend got into a big fight and stopped talking. My partner got mad and said he was going to leave me if I didn't stop. So I stopped for about 4 months, and I lost another good friend, who JUST found out I was gay. I didn't cut, But I had to do something, so I took a sewing needle and just jabbed my leg....pain, but no marks. But my partner found out, and gave me one more chance.

That brings us to today. I don't technically SI anymore, but I'm not completely cured. My partner and I agreed that, if the need Arises that I have to hurt myself, I snap my wrist with a rubber band. That has worked for the past 6 months. Its been a hard road, but its not over yet.