My name is Lindsey and i am 16 years old.I have been cutting since i was 12. It all began then at least. I had a very rough life,starting from a very young age.

I guess most of it started when my sister went through a very rough divorce. She began doing drugs and became very suicidal. She was hospitalized several times for suicide attempts and was put on medication. After that she moved back in with my mom, dad and i. We were always fighting and one day she attacked me. I was always afraid to be around her and slept with my door locked.

After that things only got worse. My mom took everything out on me. If she wasn't happy she would put me down and made me feel bad about myself. I never realized it was her insecurities that were getting to her, not me.I always blamed myself and made myself feel even worse. I made myself believe i was the reason my family had problems. Both of my parents got very ill and had horrible health problems and were always fighting so that also brought me down.

I slowly began getting depressed to the point i couldn't help myself anymore.I finally told someone and was put into therapy. I also told them that i was suicidal and the therapist put me into "millwood" a psychiatric hospital.I was there for 8 days. That is when i began cutting myself. My roommate was there because she was a cutter and i got the idea that it would help me but in the end only made things worse.

After i got out of the hospital i was put into an outpatient program and was still cutting but no one knew. I guess i let my guard down and someone saw. My family and i went round and round about how i needed to stop because it was bringing them down and how much they cared. Some said i was doing it for attention and some just didn't care and that made me want to do it even more.

After that my parents decided to get "divorced". They sold our house,the place i had lived all my life and i moved in with my middle sister, her husband and son. Her husband was always drunk and hitting me. He would walk in on me and just laugh. He scared me so much. I ended up telling someone. It angered him and i was kicked out. I moved a lot that year. I moved in with my other sister (the one who i was scared of) and then ended up moving into a hotel. Where i stayed for a month and a half. All the while i was still cutting.

When i was 15 i was molested twice and was always having flashbacks and repercussions. I didn't know how to trust anyone and was all alone in my own little world. I by this time had moved back in with my father. I don't know what caused it, probably the divorce but my father became an abusive alcoholic. I was hit and put down all the time. I was always depressed and suicidal...and cutting. I was hospitalized 8 times all together.

The last time i was hospitalized i got a lot out of it. I talked to the staff and worked the program. I have been "Si" free for 2 months now. It is very hard but i am doing some what better. I have better coping skills and resources. I draw,write poems and sing...but most of all i talk to my best friend and boyfriend.They help me so much so i would just urge you all to talk to someone.If any of you need to talk feel free to email me at Linzey1420214@yahoo.com or im me at yahoo: angelsbaby1414 or msn: angelsbaby1414@hotmail.com Aim: acryingangel14 ok? i will talk to you.