Every so often
........fingernails eat carpet
........knuckles lock, overstretched
........hands crease the floor.

Sense shrinks and spirals
........down a plughole
........nowhere.

Hopelessness flourishes.

You try to hide, foetal
drawing every kick inward
all hurt, every limb
until you're too small to see.

Nails bite fleshy palms.
Heart alternates
races, slows.

It subsides.
Cold sweat is now hot tears.
Violation again

I hate you
........for wanting to touch me
........with soft loving fingers.

........Wanting to repair
my self-hurt skin
with hands like beams of safety.

Tasting of the sun
Putting warmth into my veins
You are a clumsy walking smile.

I feel for you in the dark
........You, generous but cautious
........Is this alright?
Yes breathe sigh

But later, alone
all lovers in warm bedrooms
return to a stranger in a locker room
when I was ten.
Violation again.