I'm Raven. I'm 16 years old. My mother is abusive both verbally and physically. She has a drunken boyfriend. She has had mental problems all her life. I think she is crazy.

When I was 7 my mother strangled me. I've been beaten. I've been raped by two males. My mother doesn't buy me anything I need. (Food,school supplies,etc.) My boyfriend,who shall remain nameless,lives with us at the moment. He has to buy me food,and whatever else I may need. I never knew my father. I am a bastard child. I have severe depression. I have tried to kill myself three times. I have failed 8th grade three times. Because I have a hard enough time wanting to wake up, trying not to harm myself, or trying to convince myself not to try another suicide attempt. I'm sure people have had it a lot worse than me. But this is me,and what I can and can't handle.

I have been cutting for four years now. I burn myself. A month ago I was depressed and somewhat into hysteria, and I purposely banged my head on an outside wall of my house. I had to get stitches. My mother lied for me of course. I have been used, heart-broken, and hurt. I am not a stereotypical needy teenager desperately wanting attention.

In fact all of my life I have been ashamed of everything about myself. I shy away from attention, love. I don't know how to take it. My relationships have failed because I cannot accept love. I cannot belive a human would love me. But I try to.

I am bisexual. My mother really hated me for that. She still does. Countless stories I could tell. But no story or word could express or begin to comprehend what I feel at times. I don't know what pain isn't real anymore. I don't dwell on it. I float through my days with a stony face, hidden tears I never show. I only cry alone. I have had therapist, etc.I have had medication. I have had friendship. These fail.

If you are one of the ones who are utterly alone, you are not all alone. My scars give me a sense of worth. My scars show how I cope. I don't truly understand why I bother with this. I get no real satisfaction, at anytime. Only I have been ridiculed, ignored, feared and hated. I have run away. I have been lied to. I can't remember parts of my life, years even. I don't want to imagine what might be hidden in those depths...