Sitting here in this class, looking at all the stories on this page....makes me want to cry. I can't believe all the people that go through the same things as me. It hurts to think that there are so many more people like that out there. I started hurting myself a couple years ago off and on. I usually only did it to try to rid myself of the pain I was feeling in real life. I don't know why I feel like this but sometimes when I hurt myself, I feel so much better. My boyfriend was trying to call me once when I was cutting. He walked in on me trying to cover a wound up one time... Worst day of my life when he told me that he couldn't deal with that....and that's when I realized I didn't need him. For a while I started changing myself. To fit other people's choices so they would like me. Found new friends and met a new guy....this one was completely self-centered and only wanted one thing....can you guess? I hate him so much and I never wanted to trust anyone ever again....until I met my love. He's amazing and we've been together for about 5 months....longest relationship in a while... He's helped me a lot and I don't think I'd be here if it wasn't for him. When he found out I was anorexic he didn't care. Didn't try to force me to eat or anything. When he found out I used to cut myself he just listened. One day I woke up feeling like crap and I just started scratching myself and trying to rip myself apart. Of course this didn't work, but it did leave a lot of scars....after I realized I was still in pain I found a pair of scissors and just started slashing my arms....then my phone started going off.......and I thought "oh god...not again..." When I answered it I told him I was sorry and that I screwed up and he just came over and held me... I feel so bad for ever making him feel the pain that I did. I don't want him to have to go through that. I don't want anyone to go through that. I realize that by hurting myself because I'm in pain only hurts other people around me. I hope someday I can realize it enough to stop....I just want to stop....