I don't feel alive
In my mind, in my soul
Am I alone? I don't know
I don't wanna see that you can't see that it's dying in me
I don't care that you don't,
I don't care that no one gives a damn
I don't even know who I am
I used to know the players, know this game
Now it don't matter cuz it's all the same
Its not fair to die, I'm not dying
I'm simply not alive, and I'm not even crying

If there's more to life, tell me where to find it
Am I alone? If so, I don't try to hide it
I don't know what's wrong but something ain't right
Something's wrong with me, is it absence-of-light?
Where are my people? I don't feel anymore
I wanna fuck you so it hurts cuz there's no pain anymore
This bitter resentment, hating myself
Is it ok? Is this the real death?
No I know it's not but I wish it was
Cuz it's getting harder to live through these everyday wars
I cry for those who live this through
I'm sorry if I'll never be able to know you
I'm sorry for those who deserve my life
What's keeping me here, it don't feel so right
I don't wanna live if living is death
I wanna know what it's like to be myself
In my eyes is no more, no more wrong and right
Is this what drugs do, how they kill your light?
Why do you start, how do you end?
Is there a way, someone who'll understand?
I don't want to say this, don't want you to know
Don't want you to know that I can let go
It scares my friends, it scares you all
It scares you cuz I have no reasons at all
Reasons worth living for, why bother, I'm dead
I'm dead to you all but alive to the dead
But the dead are not here
Can they hear?


Why must you judge these words you don't understand?
Why bother reading the rhymes of a suicidal hand?
I envy you, for you can feel hurt
You'll never know what it's like to not feel pain
The absence hurts much more than physical strain

Where is the life if I can't feel it?
Is it my fault I failed to see it?
You look at me like I'm an outcast, maybe I am?
No, we are many, but you won't know our names
Our names is all we have left of ourselves
Destroyed by you, those whom we love
You failed to see, we needed nothing

Why do you read this still if you won't know?
If you're gonna demand answers you really don't wanna know?
The answers will be the same, same as each time
Same as every other word and every other rhyme

I tried to tell you, to let you know
You shouldn't have to ask to see that it's so
I will not admit it, I will not hurt you this way
It's not your life, your pain, your ending day

As I lose my touch, must I lose control?
I'm letting drugs take over my soul
I forget what I should do, should've done but did not
You refuse to acknowledge that I'm someone I'm not
It's not my fault, I'm not faking this mess
I'm not asking for you help, let me be myself
But I can't find it, is it true? I'm afraid
Why doesn't it hurt like before, no matter what blade?

It should hurt much more, more than all of this
This absence of pain is enough to bring me down on my knees

I'll beg you to hurt, to make me cry
Make me cry without me feeling weak as I start to die
Are you suicidal? Are you insane?
I'm sorry I won't tell you, cuz this isn't my game
This is no game, this isn't life
What this is, is it walking on the edge of a knife?

I was never brought up to be this way
Something went wrong, now there's no other way
Yet it feels so right when you turn off the light
Fade back into dreams where I commit suicide
Is it right? In your eyes and mine

And once again I won't know how to explain this rhyme.