"And out of good still to find means of evil." Immediately this quote caught my attention. One of my most inspiring teachers is carrying on a conversation with another staff member. The first thing that comes to my mind is John Milton, author of Paradise Lost. It ceases my thoughts and I begin to focus more on my teacher’s conversation. It is a simple, ordinary day and laughter fills the hallways. My teachers go on explaining this literary work. I have always enjoyed and have been amused by those whose perspective comes from not only the obvious but from thought and creativity. This quote replays in my head, "And out of good still to find means of evil." We have all heard the story of Adam and Eve, but have we really thought deeper into their situation? In Milton’s point of view, Adam’s love for eve was what sent him to hell. He was willing to give up eternity with God all to prove to Eve his unconditional love. God is love, therefore it is something good. This is a perfect example of Satan twisting something pure and good as love into something cold and evil. My full attention is now focused on the discussion and away from my homework. My mind is spinning now; unanswered questions and confusion have captivated my thoughts.

Perfectly, a tear rolls down my flushed cheek. As I begin to feel dizzy, I lay my head on the desk. Harsh memories are now my focus. It was a cold night in February, about a year ago. Loud, screaming music bounces off of the corner walls of my room. I am alone, and anger overwhelms me. It only takes a single moment to push me over what I can bear. Tears, pressure, stress, loneliness and hopelessness are now controlling me. I scramble around and bury myself in the darkest corner of my room. The reeking odor of blood pierces through the air and surrounds me with guilt. I have no other choice, no other option, I call on God and I do not feel his answer. My arm is a mess; scratches, cuts, bruising and swelling have now taken over what use to be a beautiful, smooth creation of God. Silence, although music is still playing, is what puts me to sleep. If only I knew a year ago, what I know now. Suicide was not my intention, and I did not cause pain for attention. Although there are many theories and rumors, my heart and God alone will know my desire and how I was feeling. I now lift my head from the desk, and begin to put two and two together. To relieve stress is an amazing way to handle everyday life, but the way I chose to do so was only bringing more hurt upon myself. It was Satan repeating how it was the only thing that would save me or relieve me from the pressure to end everything. If only you were smarter, if only you were stronger, this is the only way out, he would whisper. I was so focused on his harsh words, that I could not see the beautiful, strong arms in front of me, reaching out, longing to relieve me of my pain.