Was what she said true?

I’ve never really though about it
Not until now
Not until just then
When it slipped from your lips
And now I think about it
Perhaps it was true
Could I live in denial forever?
I suppose if I wanted to
I wish I had a knife right now
To destroy what they touched
Him and him and him
I’ll point my fingers at them all
But in the end who let them do it
Who was too weak?
I remember now
Always the same
Hit after hit and I would be too tired
Too hurt to care
But I never though things like that
Would happen to me
What did I do wrong?
Why are they doing this to me?
And why do they still do it every night in my dreams?
I never wanted anyone to worry
To be honest
No one ever really cared
And still there’s only one I will tell
But I’m afraid
Because it will hurt her
As much as it hurt me
I wish it wasn’t true
I wish I was someone else
I wish they hadn’t hit me
I wish they hadn’t beat me down
I wish they hadn’t followed those threats through…
Perhaps it is my fault?
Perhaps?
Do you think?
I don’t know anymore
If I was too hurt to say no
Then perhaps it is
After all in court that would be the case
So much pain
So much fear
So contaminated
So dirty
Everyone’s dirty little secret
Why did I ever bother deluding myself
That I was strong enough to win?
That I was strong enough to deny?

Because I’d rather die than admit to being raped…