My story starts about five years ago. I was also such a loud bubbly child and liked being around her friends and this all changed. Things went downhill at home, although I do not wish to go into to much detail, I was a very unhappy child: crying myself to sleep, I stopped eating or if I did I would just make myself sick. Then the SI came along, I thought at the time it was a GOD send, it made me feel like my own person because I could control this thing the most.

I never once felt guilty and for the first time I could actually smile and it was a smile with meaning. But the more I SI the more the smile started to slip. I took up SI every night in an attempt to take me away from the crap that was going on around me. That when my friends and teachers began to question what was wrong with me as my grades had gone dramatically down hill and I just didn't care about anything, I didn't talk to my friends much, even though they mean the world to me as if it was not for them I could honestly say I might not be here today.

My parents never questioned anything as they were to wrapped up in their own little worlds. Even though I was so ashamed of what I was doing to myself I knew I had to confide in someone. So I did I told one of GREAT friends, who I will treasure forever as she has never left my side. She never judged me once, she knew my reasons and understood me. She gradually talked me into speaking with one of my teachers. It was hard for me because I wasn't used to showing my feelings. But as soon as I walked through that door I knew there was no turning back I just had to do it. I was a nervous wreck, shaking and crying uncontrollably. But I explained what was going on, well actually my friend did as I couldn't string a sentence together because I was that nervous as all I thought about was ''what are they going to think of me?''

Because of the situation I put the teacher in they had no other choice but to tell someone else so I had to go through it all again. But it wasn't so hard this time I had my friend there and the teacher who I had went to firstly. I began to see a councilor, my parents were contacted , although at the time they didn't really care, I was just pushed to one side. The counseling did help for a while but then I just pretended everything was OK so I no longer had to see her all that often.

Problems carried on for years and just when the clouds were beginning to move, a shadow appeared and I began my old ways. I saw my brother try to kill himself and I seen the scars and I realised that I didn't want to be like that. So I set myself a goal by the end of 2005 I wanted to be recovered. But sadly I did not achieve this goal, although the SI was just a couple of times a month maybe, I was still not recovered. But then I spoke with some of the teachers that knew about my problems and my friend of course and they helped me so much, it unbelievable and I cant thank them enough. So I didn't SI for exactly 7 months and 16 days. I was so proud of what I had achieved and I knew this was my chance. I put my mind to it but I fell hard, so hard and it broke me. But now 5 years later after starting to SI I am once more on the road to recovery and I don't care what people say I am going to do it, as I've seen people suffer, people who I love. I know now that I don't want to be that kind of person, I am learning knew ways to cope and its great. Ive never had a better feeling and this time I know I am going to do.

Just one thing when someone really close to you throws a line for you grab it and grab it with all your heart, because there, there to help you not judge you or make you feel bad about the decisions you are making, everyone can do something about it if they really want to and those out there that want to I say just go for it, you'll not be sad to see the old you go!! believe me I'm living proof!!!

All my best to those out there that are going to begin their road to recovery, but don't force yourself if the times not right. take each day as it comes.