Trembling hands so hard to calm.
I need that feeling again.
Cold metal and rain of blood.
So sweet are the tears that stream with this sin.

I can't think straight. I don't know what I need.
I wish I knew how to make it stop. I wish I could un-plant this seed.
But it was planted so long ago and it has been quite nourished in the past.
For a while there it shriveled up like old flowers do. Now the poisonous
water gives it
life once more and it's spreading fast.

I've got every reason to kill this shrub buried so deep inside myself.
I can't dig far enough though. Its roots run to deep to find and kill with
no help.
A new bloom...a new urge...has come into life. And the razor-sharp petals
speak its own
design.
Beautiful these blades are to me. Such a sign of my own pain and the tears I
cry.

My tears give them life. My blood gives them food.
My heart bleeds as long as my skin holds out. My soul shames with its
fullest nude.

Here I am again. Back in Hell's garden I thought I left behind in its
lustrous heat.
Back where everything started in my mind's battle for itself. Here is my own
self-defeat.