I am perpetually indifferent.

It's the curse of a life half lived. I can't cut half as much as I'd like, since my brother told my parents who told me to stop, and not another word was said. Now we just suffer in mortified silence. Or at least, I do. Denial is a wonderful healer for the blind or willfully ignorant. I'm sure I could heal too, if I could just look away.

But, as you know, red signifies danger. It drags attention, kicking and screaming from its safe haven in celebrity magazines and diet fads, to the neat little hate crime written in your skin.

Why is it that a cat can make you bleed as a reaction to its natural will to survive, but if I break the surface tension of my skin and let it send wave after wave of endorphins spilling to the floor, I'm "wrong".

I'm just trying to survive.

There's a liquor store on every corner, selling peace of mind for £10 an hour. It's still natural to poison yourself to the point of oblivion, to throw away thousands of pounds each year on Jack and Coke so that you can say, for one night, you could smile. It's still natural to put people in hospital while in this state of drug induced euphoria and in the morning, if you didn't mow down any pedestrians on the illegal drive home, you're free to examine the damage in the form of your stomach in the toilet. And on the stairs. And in your bed.

But if you were to draw a blade across your skin in suffocating silence, not harming a soul, not even your own, YOU would be the anti-social one.

Even if it was just so that you can say, for one night, you could smile.

What I call self abuse, you call reality TV.
What I call self destruction, you call Government.
What I call self delusion, you call religion.

There are far worse atrocities happening on the streets. In the schools. In our homes.

It would seem to me that the few whose frustration is taken out on themselves are the few who cause the least harm in this world. And rightfully so. If we didn't want to stick around to see better days come to pass, we wouldn't be trying so hard to survive.

Why on earth would you want to let us die?