My name is Cindy and I am new to the world of self-injury. It started at the beginning of the year when I realised that I needed a way to release all of my anger and pain. Poetry did offer a this sort of release but not the sort I needed. Then one day I decided I wanted to feel what it would be like to hurt myself (but only a little) so I sucked on my arm a little. It felt weirdly nice so I carried on until I had a slightly blueish-reddish mark left behind (a bruise). I sort of liked the way it felt and looked so I tried it again and another bruise appeared. The next day, upon meeting up with my friends, I decided to show them my bruises because I thought they were just so fantastic.

I got talked out of it and told I was crazy so I decided to slow it down a little. That night I was laying in my bed thinking of how good it felt and I decided to do it again! I saw my friends again the next day and showed them my bruises. They were not impressed! I decided I wouldn't do it again. Then that same week something happened with one of my teachers and me and my mother had an argument. This led to me crying and before I knew it, another bruise had appeared on my arm! I got a good talking to after that and I was talked out of it.

I went for about 3 weeks without hurting myself and by now my bruises had all disappeared. Then the same teacher made me feel inferior and right there in his class, I grabbed a drawing pin and began carving in my skin. A friend spotted me and begged me to stop. I did (for the time being!) The pain that I experienced was addictive! That week I got told the cold hard truth and I realised just how much I hated myself. That night I went to my room, grabbed another drawing pin and cut, leaving scars that would be seen the next day. I think I am addicted to self-injury right now because it eases the pain and makes me feel so good! I know I have made promises to my friends and myself about this but I don't think I'm going to be able to stick to them., it just feels too good! My friends can try and help me but ultimately it is my decision to make.

I know most self-injurers try and hide their scars but I am proud of mine and can't do that! Hope everyone who knows me can understand why I do it and hopefully experience something so pleasurable.