My name/alias is Drystani. I started cutting two years ago when I was 17. At first, it was months between, but now, I cut nearly everyday. The first time, I was horrified at what I had done. It was paradoxically an amazing rush, as well as a scary revelation. I was seriously depressed because, yet again, I was denied the choice to be with my friends. My parents and brother were going out to the bar, and I had to stay home and babysit my nephew. Of course...their habit is SO much more important than my happiness. Anyway, I was sitting in my room with a swiss army knife, and slicing my arm repeatedly. I only did that for a few minutes, but later that night, I did it again. This was when I got scared, so I called my friend who does it herself, and I cried about how scared I was that I wouldn't let myself live through the night. She made me tell her father what had happened. Later, her parents went to the bar and told my parents. When they came home, all they could do was yell at me. They ended up sentencing me to six months, but caved at two. The onlt thing I thought was "Oh, I'm sorry my pain ruined your night of drinking." To this day, my mother refers to it as "bad behavior"-and that's only if I speak of it.

Some background info on me...I was put in therapy and medicated at nine years old after my father died (my mother is re married). I was diagnosed with clinical depression, but my mother sems to think that I "had a reason" to be on meds back then. Also, in her mind, I like being depressed, and I'm an annoying attention whore.

Nowadays, I cut a lot more than I ever have, which scares me, and relieves me at the same time. I do it in places that no one has any reason to see, but every so often, I'll make a small cut on my arms and say I must have done something in my sleep. Surprisingly, everyone believes me. I do tell a couple of my friends, but they're in the same boat, but their parents are more knowledgeable about what to do. They don't know I'm cutting as much as I am, though. They care so much about me, and I don't want them to be disappointed.

Where my family i concerned, I sort of want them to know, but I kind of don't. If they find out, they'll probably scream at me again, then ignore it. That's if they don't kick me out. Then again, I think the reason they ignore so much is because they care too much about what their "friends" at the bar would think. But I'm a big girl now, and I can get a shrink if I want-which I do. I just have to wait for my insurance to come through. -.-" Damn insurance company.

Anyway, that's my story. My AIM is Drystani, if anyone wants to talk. Until later, ja ne!