Ok...so i'll start by telling a little about me... im 17 and i live in a country that the most of u might not even know... Panama...yes i speak full spanish so obviously english isnt my main language...if u cant understand im very very sorry, i'll try to do my best... :(... i think i was 3 years old or something my mom and my dad lived together, they never got married...my dad was a very violent person and he used to smack my mom's head against the wall when he felt like doing it... i even remember one time i started hitting him and i threw his glasses to the floor, screaming at him to leave my mom alone...it didnt helped...but i felt like i needed to do something...he always insulted my granda, my aunt and also insulted me often...if i did something wrong he said i was stupid and i didnt worth for nothing... and i really startet to believe it... Then he had a friend and his friend had like 2 kids or something (older than me) and one day we went over his house and u know when parents tell u to go and play with the other kids so the could talk and stuff...so i did...and i didnt expect i had to "play" their games...both (a girl and a boy) started to touching my privates and kissing me (considered as a sexual harrasment)...i never told anyone, not even my mom, not even my dad who was with me that day... i knew what had happened... i was young but i wasnt stupid and i knew it was wrong... my mom got married to this really great guy (my stepfather)...yeah, that's what i thought...when i was 15 i started fighting a lot with my mom, she even wanted to kick me out of the house and sent me over my dad's...of course my stepdad always supported my mom and he always took her side even if he knew i was right... with the years i started growing (i was really short and lets talk just straight i was 15 so i had a "womem body") and my stepdad started touching me when my mom wasnt there with us... and he said like "oh it feels good and stuff"... fuck... just to make the record...no one knows about the things i'm writing... i've been depressed for a while now and i discovered cutting on a message board, in which i met a lot of wonderful people who also cutted themselves... things at school were just fucked up...i didnt even talked to anyone and i spent my time writing poems (all suicidal or cutting poems)...minutes looked like seconds and even if i felt bad i was the kind of person who wouldnt even think about SI'ing themselves...but i did...i tried with a razor and the razor became my friend... as sick as it may sounds cutting feels good to me...i feel such a reliefe and release feeling that makes me not thinking about stop anytime soon...seeing the blood pouring every time i do it calms me like u have no idea...recently i told a mate at school (she's very reliable) and she was very sweet to me telling me not to do it please and thinking about other stuff but i just cant... my dad had stopped talking to me cuz he said he never wanted to see me again and we havent seen each other since march this year... as i said...my mom doesnt know... im all happy when im around her but everything changes the minute i go into my room and i lock myself up...it always has been like that...and i dont want to make her suffer...i tend to give her bad times because of my shitty grades and my bad moods...i know i have to stop cutting but the thing is i dont feel like stopping right now... im aware that im not the right person to tell someone else not to do it...but just dont...its wrong and its addictive...once u start is hard to stop... sorry if it was too long i just had to get that out of my system... if anyone wants to email me my address is: dafne_tsu@hotmail.com and sorry again about my english...

I had the same proble and i was able to stop after the 100 hunderth time to stop but i had a dream i saw my own funrel and i saw how i love and they loved me crying their hearts out and till this day every time i feel like cutting i remember that dreamm and i haven't done it in over i months but this story is awsome