I remember the day I first dragged that razor blade across my wrist like it was yesterday. I felt so free when the blood began to pour out of my wrist as almost as if I were exiting and being released with the blood. I’ve always felt trapped. Ever since I was able to think, I never felt like my own person. I always felt as if I were living for someone else, for someone’s standards. I was never able to do what I want because I never felt as if I could. So as I dragged the blade across, I smiled. I started cutting to become free and to finally do something for me, but after cutting for 4 years, it turned out to control me. It controlled me just as much as my parents tried to control me. Suddenly I didn’t cut because I wanted to, I was cutting because I needed to; because I didn’t know who I was if I didn’t use that blade. I was scared to branch out of something familiar. That blade was the only constant thing in my life; it was the only thing that was there. That’s when I realized that was I was doing was not only dangerous but ridiculous. I realized the only thing I needed to do was to feel again, on my own. I’m 17 years old and I’m addicted to hurting myself because I’ve done it for so long, I don’t know who I am without it. My whole life I’ve always known things: don’t get dad made when he’s tired, you need to eat everything off your plate or dad will get mad, 2+2=4, I’m going to be a journalist when I become an adult, I’m going to get out of my city and be different from the rest of my family. And for the past 4 years I’ve always known that I was a girl who cut herself to be free from everything she knew. But if I stop cutting myself, what kind of girl am I? I finally figured out the answer to that question 6 months ago. What kind of girl am I? I’m the kind of girl who wants to live life and not be another statistic. Life may be a bitch, but I’d rather be here than not. I haven’t used slide anything sharp across my wrist in 6 months. I’m proud of myself but temptation is growing, but I willing to do whatever it takes to do something for me and not because I’m addicted.